Monthly Archives: June 2012

Jun30

My sweet sweet Strawberry…

Posted on by
Standard

What do you do when life throws so many things at you at once? This is a difficult question… In my otherwise short life and limited experience; I have learnt a few valuable things. First, that life is temperamental. She is also unpredictable and she likes to be in control. I therefore thread very carefully with her… mostly. But then, I like to dare her. After all, what is the fun if I take her tantrums lying down?

This afternoon, I began reading a book titled ’You are the Messenger’. Several quotes in it caught my attention. First that you ‘can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs’, the second sort to explain how our body language says so much about us. The author talks about intuition and judgment and how a dog that is after you will stop in it’s tracks if you do not show fear but rather face it. The dog is able to sense this in your body language. The author suggests that we communicate who we are to another person in seven seconds. This accession is based upon some research, but the fact is that very few of us ever stop to think deeply about it. For this reason, I some how have the feeling that if I run away from life and not face it square on no matter what she throws my way, she may sense my fear and perhaps throw more of the undesirable stuff at me?

The stuff she throws though, are the very situations that teach us so much and yet, they make life so difficult. Recently after a blog, there ensued a banter between a face book friend and me, using metaphor that explored the preferred vehicle we travel through life in. we joked about taking a Jet or alternatively making the trip on foot. I did state that sometimes foot is better as you get to take in the view. My reason being that life is about the journey after all, not the destination; this is not to say I will not jump on a Jet! These are thoughts that occupy my mind frequently.

As morbid as it may sound, it is good to think about death sometimes. It puts things in perspective. I remember a poem by Robert Frost that compares death to life and as such the graveyard is viewed through the bedroom window. In this poem, the characters struggle with the different perspectives around death. One sees it as a major lose and a thief and the other sees it as a transition, a necessity of life, just like sleep is. I often times wonder at the difficulties in life. The unending suffering, the pain, the unfairness, the many struggles! I project an existence without death and I shudder. I imagine a soul bearing life’s difficulties for eternity without the respite of death… It must be like going through an entire day or two, or perhaps a week or a year or your whole life without sleep? At those times, as much as I despise death, I thank the good Lord for the blessed respite and his wisdom…

Life is an uphill battle of growth Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually for each soul. The very trajectory of our physical growth demonstrates this to us; that the goodness and the struggles only grow and maybe the opposite is an anomaly? It is when we face the many challenges that we grow. But then again, when we are done, we become babies ones again and the cycle of life in its repetition completes itself. As we progress though, it is important to take the lessons with us, so we don’t keep having to learn them over and over again. That can be a drag.

The most important lesson I have learnt is that nothing is ever lost in the Universe and that life is a cycle. We always reap what we sow and with interest too! My Christian faith tells me this. It is important that I respect the laws of the Universe and understand that I am mirrored in the face I stare into. That the line between human and beast is very thin and that we all have it within us… and so I nurture the angel within and stay mindful of the beast.; both a necessary part of the whole. Most importantly, to keep the balance, I take time to eat Strawberries.

There is a story of a man who is running away from tigers and gets to the edge of a cliff. As he makes to jump, he looks down and sees a pack of wolves. As he stands there contemplating his next move, he slips and his quick grasp of a vine is what saves him from a shattered skull. As he steadies his breath, bush rodents scurry near and start to nibble at the vine he is holding on to… facing imminent death, his eyes fall to a nearby bush of Strawberries. Taking a breath, he stretches out his one hand as he holds onto the vine tightly with his other hand, picks a Strawberry and takes a bite… hmmm, Strawberries had never tasted so sweet. This story is attributed to Buddha.

What is your Strawberry? Is it a loved one, your Children, Music, looking at the Sea, appreciating Art, helping the homeless, Movies, Farming, etc.…. whatever it is, take time to enjoy your Strawberries for life is short, unpredictable, temperamental an uphill battle; sometimes downhill and it aren’t about to slow down… but I love it and I love my Strawberries too!

Jun17

Water underfoot…

Posted on by
Standard

An interesting presentation by Brene Brown at a Ted Talk sent my mind back to a class I took not too long ago with the Center for Public Leadership (CPL) that focused on a similar theme of vulnerability…There was an image that stuck with me during this class. An image of a ship or boat leaving shore to find new ground. The idea is that until the boat leaves (lets go) of the shore long enough it can not find new ground. The imagery emphasizes another aspect to the exercise of taking a boat ride. Leaving the shore means being totally on water and we all know how that feels. A couple of years ago, I nearly drowned and so I totally get that feeling.  Anyone who has ever been on a boat or ship, may be able to bring up the feeling. The feeling of rocking to and fro as the water moves and moves the boat along with it…the possible fear of  falling, of not having control. You just can not step off the boat if you don’t like the ride! At least, for the duration of the ride, you have no choice but to be on the boat and at the mercy of the water, the elements and the Universe.

There are two ways you can endure the ride. By being nervous and holding unto the boat for dear life for the entire trip and constantly looking out for land to reappear in your horizon; or you can choose to relax and enjoy the ride for what its worth. Remaining flexible enough to be in sync with the ebb and flow. And then maybe, you will not rush to the first sight of land, but wait untill you really discover new land. The idea is to allow yourself to remain on the water long enough to truly find new land.

I love to travel, but I generally don’t like the plane ride. It makes me feel vulnerable and out of control and boy do I hate it when the plane shakes… I have attended by own funeral countless times in the air, I can tell you that. There was this particular day I sat next to a very young lady at the airport in Johannesburg. An Australian girl. At her young age, she had traveled around quite a bit. We started to talk and she expressed her love for the activity of traveling and seeing new places. My question to her was ‘aren’t you ever afraid of what may happen?’ this question was necessary to me because at that point, I was trying to work through my fears. I mean face it, until the science is developed and perfected beyond the movies, space or time travel wasn’t happening anytime soon and the only way I could get to all the places I needed to get to and do all the things I needed to do, was to literally face my fears! as there are – places to go and things to do and miles to go before I sleep – This was her answer to me ‘ well, I can’t control what happens to be in the air or even on the ground and who knows what might or might not, and so in the mean time, I might as well enjoy the ride’. For years, I would repeat this to myself before I got on a flight. The wisdom from a young or perhaps old soul.

One of the things I have become, is learning how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. The world around us has become increasingly unpredictable. Financially, emotionally, physically et cetera… If you are someone like me, you may carry around the fancy wish that you should at least try to control what you can and what you can not, you may just stress over.

Above all this, then the advise that I should be vulnerable? I should Invest in a relationship when I don’t know the outcome, step out and start a new business, go to school, have a child, or adopt a child, volunteer for something I always wanted to do, change my profession, go say sorry to that person, learn how to ride a bike or swim, go to the gym, loose weight, cut my hair, get a divorce, marry, the list goes on… I should say I love you first when it might not be said back to me, express that I am afraid or hurt, try that business and maybe make a fool of myself, risk my family and friends by standing up for what I believe in… Hellen Keller is quoted as saying “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”… hmmm, one thing I know, is that one can not choose to freeze one part of the self and hope that the other will flourish. We are interconnected and interlaced at an organic level, both within our persons and with the rest of humanity… So how do I handle this question of vulnerability and fear and believing and humanity? and can I be human any other way?

I am still on my water… will I see your boat on my way? at the very least, maybe we can keep each other company… what do you say?

View Brene’s talk at http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Jun10

My Angel…

Posted on by
Standard


This morning I took a walk around the Charles River with my little Angel riding her bike beside me. She has thought me so much within this one year. Lessons about love, tenacity, perseverance, faith, humility, simplicity, laughter, being silly…

At a point she rides way ahead, stops and beckons to me ‘ mummy, come on, you can walk faster, you can make it’… I am tempted to tell her that she is on a bicycle and it is easy for her to say. It however suddenly hits me, what this little gesture signifies. I just graduated with a Masters from the Harvard Kennedy School and I seriously can say that this would not have been possible without my little angel.  As a single parent, the significance is on several levels. I constantly seek to make myself better and to strive to be a good role model for my little one. It is important for her to understand what the limitations in the world are and the importance of education to help overcome these limitations. She should understand that we do the best we can, not because we are the best at it, but because we try. I remember the many times we didn’t have enough to eat or the times when I was too tired to cook or help her do her home work. She soon started making her own breakfast and running off to catch the bus, because I was just too exhausted to get up. Some days, on her way out, she would pull out the garbage too, just to make sure it went in case I didn’t wake up in time. At school, she would call me and wake me up in time for my class. We studied math together and I was as helpless as she was if not worse. She is way better in math than I am, thankfully so! We both felt it very funny that mummy couldn’t figure out the simple equations before her. We eventually figured it out and I felt very proud to finally help her through hers (I’m not sure I would have generated the strength needed to keep pushing myself to learn if it wasn’t to see the pride in my daughter’s eyes). I could tell her respect for me climbed higher as she saw me go through the struggle.

It is also important that as a woman, she understands that she can do whatever she sets out to achieve. She will need this thought and drive in her life. Most importantly, I hope I have done two things. Firstly, broken the glass ceiling for her. In her world, Harvard University is a possibility and I look forward to the day when the pictures will have her holding the certificate. I told her this and her response was ‘mum, are you forcing me to attend Harvard?’ my response to that was ‘ I just want you to know that you can’. Her response ‘ I know that mum, it is not a big deal.’ For that phrase ‘it is not a big deal’ I would do all this over again!
Secondly, I hope I have taken my baton sufficiently close to my finish line in this race of life and when the time comes, I can hand over to my daughter her baton to continue her race from HER starting point and move on to finish her race also and repeat the precedent for her children. That she will not have to pick up after me and waste her time finishing my race whiles the rest of the world and her colleagues move on without her, far ahead, diminishing any chance for her to catch up. This is my prayer. It will kill me if I did this to her and how could she forgive me? I am sure she eventually will, because I am her mother and she loves me, but…
This has as much been her journey and I hope it has helped to give her the tools she needs to navigate her own life! This is my legacy to her…

I remember a message Dr. Otabil gave at the end of year, a couple of years back. He spoke about the race of life,  comparing it to a 100 meter race where we hand over the baton to the next runner; our children, the next generation. As a society, I wonder if we ever think about LEGACY and what it means? Otabil’s words drew a powerful imagery in my mind… In this race called life, past generations of other countries have and continue to make sure they run to the end and often go further. They are careful to document processes and experiences that enable the coming generation the opportunity to learn from their failures and successes; eliminating the need for a reinvention of the wheel!
A businessperson will take the time to train their kids or workers to succeed them. Parents make Wills and take out life Insurance to secure the future for their kids.  Going on to give their kids the best in education that they can afford. Governments lay down lasting structures. Older Political leaders nurture the younger people in their parties and make room for them too to have the opportunity to exercise leadership and learn so that they can take the baton smoothly for a continuation of sound policies with an understanding of the system to continue to make good choices for the people. It is actually to the credit of some of these countries to celebrate youth in politics and in many instances, the older generation will step aside to serve the honorable position of guards of the system so the younger people who have the energy and understanding of changing global dynamics can do the running around. How old is President Obama? I bet most of our Presidents can call him ‘son?’ Generations realize that it is not about them or today (boy, the picture is so much bigger!) It is about our future and our kids.

In most of our countries, we still have our elders fearful and apprehensive of the success of younger people. It is in the nature of man to want to get better progressively. It stands to reason that our kids must do and be much better than we are. What kind of a people are we if we try to prevent this? Do we not realize that this is an indictment on us? Somehow, I can understand when people drop their batons due to mitigating circumstances… but how about those who can, but simply don’t. Where is our pride to want to matter in the race? We need to realize that the race goes way beyond today and that no one person or generation can win it by itself. It takes eternity and unfortunately, we are already light years behind. I just wonder how far back our kids will have to go.

I love my children. My greatest burden and opportunity is how far forward I can bring the baton, so they don’t have to suffer the humiliation that I have suffered. This ultimately is the test of the love I profess…

Jun5

Watch the finger…

Posted on by
Standard

I had dinner with two great sons of Ghana today. Well, let me rephrase. I had dinner with four great gentlemen today, but the Ghanaians took over the conversation and all we could talk about was the sad state of our country. These are very vibrant achievers, both soon to be graduates of Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), One of the best, if not the best Tech. Schools in the World. Our friends subsequently became spectators. I’m interested to hear their thoughts later, but for now, let me focus on the conversation that ensured. Several things stood out. First, that these gentlemen were very passionate. Second, that they were both extremely intelligent. Third, that they had strong opinions of how Ghana should be lead and where it should be going; the corruption and the inadequacies of those at the forefront. They painted a very good picture of the doom and gave predictions of the catastrophe that awaited the country if the leadership of the country didn’t change drastically.  Most importantly though, what stood out to me was their hesitation to enter politics. I can’t say I was surprised. I have had many such conversations and they have somehow become typical.

Countless smart and highly educated individuals who could perchance make a difference, but who stay out of politics and leadership roles because it is dirty and will corrupt them. One of my fine friends during the conversation made a very good point. Quoting him ‘ you can’t put garbage in and get apples out, the Chinese understand this’. I wondered if he heard himself speak? and then he went on to say ‘sometimes I cry for Ghana’ to which our non-Ghanaian friend responded (bless his soul) “staying in Boston and crying isn’t going to help!”

I must say that I feel like crying for Ghana when I come across all these great people who are ‘too good’ to enter into the arena to help play the game in the favor of our nation. The men and women who know all the answers and can give you a history lesson as well as a lesson in best governance from around the world. They are experts in global, local politics and economics and understand what must be put in place to ensure sustainable development. Yes, they are experts in talk. To their credit, some try, but at the very possibility of their ‘good name’ being challenged, they quit (interestingly, the ‘bad guys’ can give them a lesson or two in tenacity!). This brings into the dynamics another question around where can one effect the most change and whether one must compromise ones values to some extent for the higher purpose? Does the end justify the means or does it excuse it? This is another subject for discussion on another day entirely…

You must admire the ‘corrupt’ politician for one thing though, at least he is in the ring fighting and unless you are actually in the ring, you have no idea what the fight is about. Who are the people exercising real leadership in the system and making a difference quietly? what are the various factions and interests in the system and what is driving them to fight to either maintain the statues-quot or change it? why are things the way they are? what are the global triggers and determiners? who are the puppet masters and what are the trade-offs? what strengths are being leveraged and which ones are being underutilized? et cetera, et cetera … Guess what, if you are a good business man and you refuse to enter into politics, people who don’t know the first thing about business strategy will determine what environments affect your business. If you are a master in strategic management and you leave yourself out, people who haven’t managed anything in their lives before, including themselves, will manage you. If you are the best negotiator, but are not at the table when the country negotiates with our strategic foreign partners, you can’t blame anyone when you end up with the short end of the stick. The world has changed significantly and yet, individuals who probably don’t have a Facebook account themselves or understand the ecosystem and where the rest of the world is going may be determining our future. It is OK for that to happen, but they do need the support of those who know how to at least help put together policy issues with a good understanding of how the next 10 years may look like, because all other things being equal, they will definitely be alive and capable of partaking in it, don’t you think?

The most interesting comment I hear these days, especially since I graduated from the Kennedy School of government is “Juliet, you guys have to change the system’. I don’t mind this comment. After all, even before coming to the Kennedy School, such issues occupied my thoughts. What I mind is the continuation of the thought that someone will make it better. There is a saying ‘ be the change you want to see’ Who should make the world a better place for you? You are satisfied with being  a spectator in your own life? be my guest…