Starting all over… why I resist it

There are many times when I have come to that crossroad in life, that very painful crossroad, where I had no option, but the option of jumping into the blissful abyss of self pitying and doubt because I have failed monumentally; or simply just start all over again.

I just had the most surreal week, when the book I am presently working on vanished from my computer. I am working on turning the script of silver Rain, the drama I wrote and Directed into a novel. The process is called novelization. In many ways, I went into this project very inspired. The film has been received very well and appreciated and the opportunity to flesh out the characters that were bubbling for bigger self-expressions in my head, was too tempting to resist. Very quickly, the chapters rolled by.

You can therefore imagine my state when through some weird follow up events. I lost the entire file I was working on. Followed was a desperate week aimed at trying to retrieve my files… the very thought of loosing the document sent cold sweat down my armpit. I felt the taste of bile pungent in my throat

Many times in my life, I have come to that point where I was in similar devastating circumstances. Whether it was the loosing of a loved one, divorce, a collapse of a friendship, the failure of a business, the betrayal of an employee or someone you trust, the breakdown of a love affair… the list goes on

It is a place of extreme confusion and resistance; Sometimes acute denial. How do you start all over when at your lowest point. What will people say? The fear of what lays back there, the sheer uncertainty of going back, the heavy sense of the weight and taking it all up again. The sense of uselessness. You might actually go numb at the thought. The fear, most of all, the fear…

I never found the file. No one wants to start all over, but sometimes…. You just have to.

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